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" Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again. "
W. C. Fields
Should
Again
Children
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" If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it. "
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" On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia. "
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" There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation. "
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" Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. "
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Always
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" If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon. "
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Had
Over
" I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home. "
W. C. Fields
Drink
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Worry
" Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch. "
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Took
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Cork
" Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket. "
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Favorable
Both
Head
" Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting? "
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" Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. "
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" I'd like to see Paris before I die... Philadelphia will do. "
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Paris
" Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times. "
W. C. Fields
Off
Say
Easy
" Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. "
W. C. Fields
House
Like
Little
" Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream. "
W. C. Fields
Live
Remember
Swim
" I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. "
W. C. Fields
Snake
Bottle
I See
" Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it. "
W. C. Fields
Better
Like
Nothing
" Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned. "
W. C. Fields
Cry
Never
Over
" A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. "
W. C. Fields
Man
Poor
Rich
" Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live. "
W. C. Fields
Heart
Worry
Will
" If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull. "
W. C. Fields
Them
Brilliance
Bull
" I never vote for anyone. I always vote against. "
W. C. Fields
Vote
Against
Anyone
" Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed. "
W. C. Fields
Closed
Philadelphia
Week
" If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind. "
W. C. Fields
Will
Prosperity
Far
" Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad. "
W. C. Fields
Bad
Children
Animals
" It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to. "
W. C. Fields
You
Answer
Call
" I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday. "
W. C. Fields
Philadelphia
Sunday
Once
" I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes. "
W. C. Fields
Water
Drink
Stuff
" It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money. "
W. C. Fields
Wrong
Money
Sucker
" I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming. "
W. C. Fields
Will
Afraid
Drink
" I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything. "
W. C. Fields
Know
Here
Everything