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" A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. "
W. C. Fields
Me
Decency
Drink
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" If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it. "
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" I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for. "
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" Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned. "
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" Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket. "
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" Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. "
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" Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. "
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" Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. "
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" When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty. "
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" Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again. "
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" I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. "
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" There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it. "
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" If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull. "
W. C. Fields
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" Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times. "
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" Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad. "
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" I drink therefore I am. "
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" The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive. "
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" I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. "
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" I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday. "
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Once
" Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one. "
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" I must have a drink of breakfast. "
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" I'd like to see Paris before I die... Philadelphia will do. "
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" Never give a sucker an even break. "
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" Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil. "
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" There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation. "
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Face
" Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it. "
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" If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind. "
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Will
Prosperity
Far
" I like children - fried. "
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Like
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" Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive. "
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" I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. "
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