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" I drink therefore I am. "
W. C. Fields
Drink
I Am
Therefore
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" The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart. "
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" Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life. "
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" I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home. "
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" I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison. "
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I Am
" I like children - fried. "
W. C. Fields
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Fried
" I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything. "
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Know
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Everything
" There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it. "
W. C. Fields
Real
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" A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. "
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Me
Decency
Drink
" Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. "
W. C. Fields
People
Betting
Horse
" Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live. "
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Heart
Worry
Will
" Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. "
W. C. Fields
Start
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" No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree. "
W. C. Fields
Doubt
Crazy
Women
" I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. "
W. C. Fields
I Am
Hate
Am
" Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch. "
W. C. Fields
Up
Nerves
Scotch
" There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation. "
W. C. Fields
Take
Man
Face
" I never met a kid I liked. "
W. C. Fields
Kid
Met
Liked
" Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting? "
W. C. Fields
Drown
Where
Whiskey
" Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch. "
W. C. Fields
Took
Some
Cork
" If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon. "
W. C. Fields
Life
Had
Over
" Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against. "
W. C. Fields
Politics
Never
Always
" Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed. "
W. C. Fields
Closed
Philadelphia
Week
" Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil. "
W. C. Fields
Actor
Devil
Great
" The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves. "
W. C. Fields
Pancakes
Over
Man
" I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. "
W. C. Fields
Snake
Bottle
I See
" I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. "
W. C. Fields
Always
I See
Keep
" Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive. "
W. C. Fields
Night
You
She
" I never vote for anyone. I always vote against. "
W. C. Fields
Vote
Against
Anyone
" The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive. "
W. C. Fields
Out
World
Place
" If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull. "
W. C. Fields
Them
Brilliance
Bull
" When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty. "
W. C. Fields
Life
Death
Disgrace