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" An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience. "

Mitch Hedberg

You

Never

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" I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it. "

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" Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show. "

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