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" I never vote for anyone. I always vote against. "
W. C. Fields
Vote
Against
Anyone
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" Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting? "
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Drown
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" Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch. "
W. C. Fields
Up
Nerves
Scotch
" All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women. "
W. C. Fields
Bearded
Women
Were
" Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch. "
W. C. Fields
Took
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" Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. "
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Snake
Always
Small
" If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it. "
W. C. Fields
Quit
Fool
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" I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. "
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Even
Food
Funny
" I must have a drink of breakfast. "
W. C. Fields
Must
Breakfast
Drink
" Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed. "
W. C. Fields
Closed
Philadelphia
Week
" Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live. "
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Heart
Worry
Will
" If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon. "
W. C. Fields
Life
Had
Over
" I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. "
W. C. Fields
Always
I See
Keep
" Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad. "
W. C. Fields
Bad
Children
Animals
" Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. "
W. C. Fields
Me
Nothing
Travel
" I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home. "
W. C. Fields
Drink
Home
Worry
" Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket. "
W. C. Fields
Favorable
Both
Head
" The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves. "
W. C. Fields
Pancakes
Over
Man
" I never met a kid I liked. "
W. C. Fields
Kid
Met
Liked
" When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty. "
W. C. Fields
Life
Death
Disgrace
" Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink. "
W. C. Fields
Most
Experience
Beautiful
" Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. "
W. C. Fields
House
Like
Little
" On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia. "
W. C. Fields
Whole
Rather
" I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming. "
W. C. Fields
Will
Afraid
Drink
" I drink therefore I am. "
W. C. Fields
Drink
I Am
Therefore
" I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything. "
W. C. Fields
Know
Here
Everything
" Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against. "
W. C. Fields
Politics
Never
Always
" Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again. "
W. C. Fields
Should
Again
Children
" There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it. "
W. C. Fields
Real
Drink
Ahead
" Never give a sucker an even break. "
W. C. Fields
Even
Give
Break
" The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive. "
W. C. Fields
Out
World
Place