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" Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch. "

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" Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned. "

" Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil. "

" Never give a sucker an even break. "

" There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it. "

" Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream. "

" It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to. "

" I like children - fried. "

" On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia. "

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" There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation. "

" I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison. "

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" I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. "

" Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times. "

" Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink. "

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" I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. "

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" The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves. "

" Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live. "

" Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life. "

" When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty. "

" I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything. "

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" Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. "

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" Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against. "