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" I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt. "
Groucho Marx
Sex
First
First Time
Related Quotes:
" I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. "
Groucho Marx
Room
Go
Time
" Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. "
Groucho Marx
Does
Politics
Strange
" Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? "
Groucho Marx
Own
Eyes
Me
" Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. "
Groucho Marx
Who
Women
Missing
" I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it. "
Groucho Marx
Year
Got
Four
" A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. "
Groucho Marx
Woman
Smoke
Always
" I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member. "
Groucho Marx
Organization
Belong
Would
" Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. "
Groucho Marx
Looking
Finding
Art
" Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. "
Groucho Marx
Long
Getting Older
You
" There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook. "
Groucho Marx
You
Way
Find
" Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. "
Groucho Marx
Man
Own
Women
" Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! "
Groucho Marx
Me
Marry
Never
" If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. "
Groucho Marx
Like
Me
Stop
" Go, and never darken my towels again. "
Groucho Marx
Towels
Again
Go
" I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. "
Groucho Marx
Jury
Wedding
Judge
" One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. "
Groucho Marx
Never
Morning
Elephant
" Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. "
Groucho Marx
Saying
Communication
Me
" A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. "
Groucho Marx
Animal
Black
Cat
" Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. "
Groucho Marx
Poor
Whoever
Named
" I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract. "
Groucho Marx
Wish
Contract
Our
" I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. "
Groucho Marx
Had
Evening
Perfectly
" A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. "
Groucho Marx
Bed
Medical
Taxi
" I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. "
Groucho Marx
Face
Never Forget
Never
" I intend to live forever, or die trying. "
Groucho Marx
Death
Trying
Forever
" Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse. "
Groucho Marx
Buying
Hay
Horse
" I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30. "
Groucho Marx
Started
America
Television
" Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does. "
Groucho Marx
Write
Book
Half
" I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up. "
Groucho Marx
Like
Up
Then
" Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it. "
Groucho Marx
Run
Find
Understand
" I must confess, I was born at a very early age. "
Groucho Marx
Born
Very
I Was Born