Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive. "

Related Quotes:

" I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything. "

" I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home. "

" If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it. "

" All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women. "

" Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned. "

" Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream. "

" Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. "

" I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. "

" A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. "

" The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive. "

" Never give a sucker an even break. "

" Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil. "

" Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. "

" I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for. "

" I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes. "

" The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath. "

" Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket. "

" Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad. "

" Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch. "

" Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life. "

" The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. "

" A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. "

" Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one. "

" The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves. "

" If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind. "

" Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed. "

" Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia. "

" It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money. "

" Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. "

" I'd like to see Paris before I die... Philadelphia will do. "