Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro. "

Related Quotes:

" It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money. "

" We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth. "

" There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary. "

" Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. "

" Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling. "

" If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.' "

" People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. "

" The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example. "

" Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear. "

" Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around. "

" The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. "

" I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems. "

" Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet. "

" Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects. "

" I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care. "

" If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry. "

" Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes. "

" Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face. "

" We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin. "

" It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent. "

" The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot. "

" The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. "

" American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. "

" What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death. "

" Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. "

" Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print. "

" We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail. "

" Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. "

" I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War. "

" Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd. "