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" I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. "
Fred Allen
Why
Understand
Person
Related Quotes:
" Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything. "
Fred Allen
Television
Watch
Who
" The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed. "
Fred Allen
Advertising
Before
Space
" My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama. "
Fred Allen
Uncle
Southern
He
" All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it. "
Fred Allen
Humor
Anything
About
" During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk. "
Fred Allen
Days
Today
Big
" I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is. "
Fred Allen
Remember
Three
Trouble
" An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match. "
Fred Allen
Actor
Success
Small
" Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great. "
Fred Allen
Great
Bad
Competition
" Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year. "
Fred Allen
Never
Year
Creation
" I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. "
Fred Allen
Because
Family
Know
" An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer. "
Fred Allen
Will
Guy
Producer
" A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done. "
Fred Allen
Nothing
Who
Meet
" A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary. "
Fred Allen
Group
Appointed
Committee
" I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. "
Fred Allen
Back
Got
Day
" Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners. "
Fred Allen
Like
Treat
Partners
" What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement. "
Fred Allen
Your
Mind
Allow
" Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars. "
Fred Allen
Mistake
Stars
Place
" I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement. "
Fred Allen
Play
Own
My Own
" I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin. "
Fred Allen
Want
Own
Coffin
" The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi. "
Fred Allen
Strikes
First
Paris
" A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better. "
Fred Allen
Will
Press
Star
" It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals. "
Fred Allen
World
Achievement
Go
" Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making. "
Fred Allen
Bag
Men
Mediocrity
" A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on. "
Fred Allen
Man
Who
Woman
" The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand. "
Fred Allen
Down
Funny
Him
" Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you. "
Fred Allen
Strange
Life
Shoulders
" Television is the triumph of machine over people. "
Fred Allen
People
Television
Triumph
" I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy. "
Fred Allen
Full
Front
Bottle
" We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion. "
Fred Allen
Age
History
Living
" You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart. "
Fred Allen
Fruit
Heart
Place