Home
Authors
Tags
App
Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App
" I don't have credibility, I'm a comedian. "
Dennis Miller
Credibility
Comedian
Related Quotes:
" The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country. "
Dennis Miller
Death Penalty
Way
Life
" Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time. "
Dennis Miller
God
You
Good
" Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to say it across the fence while they were hanging wash. Now they just say it on the Internet. "
Dennis Miller
They Say
Internet
Fence
" Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand. "
Dennis Miller
Than
Elected
Office
" Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels. "
Dennis Miller
Now
Light
Lights
" Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways. "
Dennis Miller
Job
Off
Nation
" The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq. "
Dennis Miller
Tell
Going
Iraq
" Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention. "
Dennis Miller
Play
Pay Attention
Games
" I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy. "
Dennis Miller
Doing
You
God
" What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy. "
Dennis Miller
Playboy
Guilt
Reason
" A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away. "
Dennis Miller
White
Support
Away
" One man's Voltaire is another man's Screech. "
Dennis Miller
Another
Voltaire
Man
" Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash? "
Dennis Miller
Someone
Money
Never
" The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board. "
Dennis Miller
Than
Day
Ray
" There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it. "
Dennis Miller
Being
Funny
You
" What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock and aw shucks campaign. "
Dennis Miller
Business
Fight
Moment
" President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which. "
Dennis Miller
People
Reaction
Trying
" I want to help the helpless, but I don't want to help the clueless. "
Dennis Miller
Clueless
Help
Helpless
" We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being. "
Dennis Miller
People
Fight
Country
" The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt. "
Dennis Miller
Global Warming
Radical
Right
" Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese. "
Dennis Miller
Cheese
DC
Washington
" Everybody has to sell out at some point to make a living. "
Dennis Miller
Make
Some
Sell
" A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run. "
Dennis Miller
You
Run
Study
" Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair? "
Dennis Miller
I Can
Balloon
Why
" Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time. "
Dennis Miller
Born
First
First Time
" Just put down 9/11... I think, on most things I'm liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things I'm kind of conservative on. "
Dennis Miller
Kind
Think
Conservative
" Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction. It's enough for a lot of us to see those kids smiling on that street again. "
Dennis Miller
Care
Smiling
Enough
" Two wrongs may not make a right, but a thousand wrongs make a writer. "
Dennis Miller
Thousand
Right
Writer
" Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch. "
Dennis Miller
License
Marriage
Hollywood
" You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven. "
Dennis Miller
Bad
Cart
Eating