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" To me, comedy is just twisting reality. It's commenting or observing or twisting life. "
Steven Wright
Just
Life
Me
Related Quotes:
" I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography. "
Steven Wright
Writing
Autobiography
" I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination; I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be. "
Steven Wright
Imagination
Thought
Feeling
" I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it. "
Steven Wright
Seen
World
You
" Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.' "
Steven Wright
Wish
Bed
Death
" If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny. "
Steven Wright
Worth
Penny
Someone
" The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me. "
Steven Wright
Me
Other
Day
" I intend to live forever. So far, so good. "
Steven Wright
Live
Far
Forever
" I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking', but I don't have that much time. "
Steven Wright
Much
Time
Bank
" I'm addicted to placebos. "
Steven Wright
Addicted
" Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen. "
Steven Wright
Me
Wonder
Just
" It seems like we wake up and it's a race until you get to bed. It gets to you after a while and you think, 'What the hell am I doing?' "
Steven Wright
Doing
Race
Think
" When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. "
Steven Wright
Body
Death
Die
" It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it. "
Steven Wright
Small
Paint
World
" I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it. "
Steven Wright
People
Think
Saying
" I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head. "
Steven Wright
Look
Circus
Guy
" Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. "
Steven Wright
Caught
Year
Line
" A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. "
Steven Wright
Afraid
People
Me
" Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time... I think I’ve forgotten this before. "
Steven Wright
Now
Forgotten
Think
" To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is. "
Steven Wright
Know
Audience
Everything
" I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. "
Steven Wright
Company
Game
Wrong
" I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add. "
Steven Wright
Know
Got
Now
" So, do you live around here often? "
Steven Wright
You
Around
Here
" I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car. "
Steven Wright
Car
He
Funeral
" A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. "
Steven Wright
Bad
Clear
Sign
" I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot. "
Steven Wright
Tired
Day
Birthday
" Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram. "
Steven Wright
Real Life
Real
Life
" The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is. "
Steven Wright
Impossible
Place
World
" I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me. "
Steven Wright
Watch
Thought
Night
" I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically. "
Steven Wright
Anything
Buy
General
" I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. "
Steven Wright
You
Park
Place