Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" Never have lives less lived been more chronicled. "

Related Quotes:

" Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to say it across the fence while they were hanging wash. Now they just say it on the Internet. "

" You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven. "

" Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention. "

" Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash? "

" Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand. "

" Everybody has to sell out at some point to make a living. "

" I want to help the helpless, but I don't want to help the clueless. "

" The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood. "

" A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away. "

" Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch. "

" I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess. "

" If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this problem. "

" It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity. "

" Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels. "

" The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country. "

" Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time. "

" I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown. "

" The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt. "

" Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways. "

" I lapsed into rude. "

" You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R. "

" What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy. "

" The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq. "

" Two wrongs may not make a right, but a thousand wrongs make a writer. "

" Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction. It's enough for a lot of us to see those kids smiling on that street again. "

" I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy. "

" America may be the best country in the world, but that's kind of like being the valedictorian of summer school. "

" Just put down 9/11... I think, on most things I'm liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things I'm kind of conservative on. "

" I don't have credibility, I'm a comedian. "

" I rant, therefore I am. "