Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess. "

Related Quotes:

" Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention. "

" Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair? "

" Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch. "

" Never have lives less lived been more chronicled. "

" The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq. "

" There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it. "

" The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country. "

" Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to say it across the fence while they were hanging wash. Now they just say it on the Internet. "

" The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board. "

" Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time. "

" The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood. "

" Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways. "

" You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R. "

" Just put down 9/11... I think, on most things I'm liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things I'm kind of conservative on. "

" Somebody can say they don't understand why somebody drifts. But I've always found people who drift interesting, 'cause it shows me the game's not stagnant in their own head. They're thinking. "

" Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese. "

" We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being. "

" Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time. "

" President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which. "

" It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity. "

" A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away. "

" Joan Rivers telling Lauren Bacall her dress is all wrong is like Carrot Top telling Lenny Bruce he needs to get an edge. "

" America may be the best country in the world, but that's kind of like being the valedictorian of summer school. "

" Two wrongs may not make a right, but a thousand wrongs make a writer. "

" I had fun pretending to be a sportscaster. People always think that was a down thing for me. I had the best job in sports broadcasting for two years. "

" You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven. "

" I lapsed into rude. "

" I want to help the helpless, but I don't want to help the clueless. "

" What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy. "

" Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction. It's enough for a lot of us to see those kids smiling on that street again. "